11:01 AM
La Familia Deck the halls with boughs of holly

Home for the Holidays....not the song, the movie directed by Jodie Foster with Robert Downey Jr, Dylan McDermott, Holly Hunter, Charles Durning, Geraldine Chaplin and Anne Bancroft. Wonderful thing that encompasses all the crazy and obnoxious aspects of my biological and step-family. I think I need to find the tape and watch it again this weekend.

Then after Thanksgiving, I'll watch my favorite Christmas fantasy movie, White Christmas with Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen and I'll laugh and cry and mourn the past and the loss of my grandparents.

I realized this year I'm really not wanting the holidays, more and more I miss what's gone. It seems like all the warmth of those family dinners and get-togethers have been replaced with cold restaurant meals and patched togethers. My brother wants to do Thanksgiving dinner at his house, he's never done this but now he's moved back into his childhood home and he wants to recreate all the good Thanksgivings he remembers there, make it like it used to be. That's where I was about five, ten years ago, trying to make it all like it used to be. Now, I guess I realize it's all gone and it's not coming back, especially since my grandparents are both gone. I still miss it and I want it and them back but I know it's not happening.

So it's time to look for something different, make something good out of what it, instead?